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When the things that used to make you happy no longer do.. it is time to change up the things you do...

The Mad Bloggers: Hip-Hop Breakfast Ep 78

The Mad Bloggers: Hip-Hop Breakfast Ep 78: Shit, everyone is serving up Hip-Hop Breakfast this morning before we had the chance to. That's okay though, at least you ate. Ha! I'm working with a new set up for our Friday episode, which is now the RefinedHype.com and DJBooth.net edition. So, with that I hit a few bumps in the road this morning here but we're good to go. I've set a real chill mode (for the most part) going into this first weekend in October on this episode. Seven dope tracks just waiting for you. Hit play and enjoy. And as always, I hope this helps kick off your weekend. Chea!

01. Wale feat. Miguel - Lotus Flower Bomb
02. Evidence - Good Times
03. Pusha T - Don't F*ck With Me (Dreams Money Can Buy Freestyle)
04. OnCue - All The Way
05. DTMD feat. Quartermaine - 95 Live
06. Sean Falyon & Too Much Raw "Keep It Real (215)"
07. Phonte feat. Median - Eternally

iTunes Version - Bed Intruder Song

Michael Jackson - Dirty Diana (Live)

coming soon

Updates.
So much going on.
New year. New Job. New Home.
New Life. New Beginning.
Stick around for details.
and I still love him. yuup

Angels

Came from the heavens just to sing a song for you
To the rythym of my love for you, and now it's beating slow, and you know
this the end of the road when i sing this slow song for you you
And love was nothin but another gun for you
And I would hide it in my hopeless soul
I'm not afraid to go down the road where we go, i don't know, you can hear them callin, don't you, when the angels call like

yo
if you don't wanna stay you can goo
but since love don't live here no more
the angels are flying so low, singing to you (don't you hear me callin you)
he's the one you love (cause i hear them callin me)
and he's the one you trust (now that time is almost through)
time is runnin out (there's nothin left to do)
when they're callin you
When the angels call like (i answer)


calling, for you, i will tell the angels now
let them turn back in to stone
i do, love you, it's true
fire, climbing
we ignore the angels call
they were warnings after all
it's cool, if i, pick you
when the angel's call like


yoo
if you don't wanna stay you can goo
but since love don't live here no more
the angels are flying so low, singing to you (don't you hear me callin you)
he's the one you love (cause i hear them callin me)
and he's the one you trust (now that time is almost through)
time is runnin out (there's nothin left to do)
when they're callin you
When the angels call like (i answer)


dirty money
angels

Thanksgiving (Thankfulness)

November 26th, 2009.
Thanksgiving Day.
Holidays have become a sore spot in my life. Seems all to have gone down hill after Lola left us. Tried to replace it with making a family, yet I have yet to create that. Seems like I am against all odds with that
I could sit here and be in a bitter/sour mood about spending today alone. But I won't. I am going to reflect on the blessings in my life.

I am thankful for having the family I do have. Even though I am not spending thanksgiving with them. I am grateful for my surviving family.

I am thankful for my best friend. I could be spending it with her, but we have two different types of agenda's I am not mad at it. But she is still here by my side.

I am thankful for him. Even though one minute you can feel the love, the next seems like its drifting and he's on his own plane and i'm on my own. I often don't know where we stand, or what's going on in this relationship. Yet I know he’s there and the love we share is real.. His ability to always be there for me when I need him for support says a lot. That something is there. He doesn't have to do that. And his promise to always be here for me, he has yet let me down in that field

I am thankful for my friends. They always make sure I am in a good mood, and if i am not they make sure I pull out of this shit, and be back to being happy naki.

I am thankful for my job. My job could have let me go a long time ago. Even after resigning from an exec position, they still keep me there (and still hasn't dropped my exec title). They are there for me as my friend as well as my employer

I am thankful for Mr Ro. I teacher and a blessing. With his words he teaches guidance, support, and life substance. Everyone needs a friend like him. I am grateful to be one of those ppl.

I could have nothing at all. But I have myself, and my life. I have a home to go to. I have a job to report to. A family who loves me. A great guy in my corner and by my side. And friends who care and love me like no other. Supportsent. Lovesent. and Blessings given

I thank you all for being a part of my life. you do play a significant role in my life. I thank you for being here for me, and with me

APM

Black Roses

Resurrecting the dead only happen in biblical days.
In modern days, we try to revive what may be dead.
Add more fuel to a dying fire.
Salvage what little is left.
But when you're time is up.. it is up. We all have an expiration date. a to sold by shelf date. We tend to outstay our welcome. And plaster up what's broken. But when it's broken over and over. There is no repairing it.
Giving up is not an option, but when it's your reality... It leaves you with no other choice.

So I give you Black Roses for your dying love...

Live In Peace.
Rest in Love

The Hidden Truth

We are all aware of what we do, who we do it with, and how much of it we share. It's just how you take it when you actually find out about it.
Some of us lash out, and get heartbroken. Some ignore it and deny it. The others accept it, and let it go. Where do you stand at when it comes to the hidden truth?

I stand on my own two feet. Accepting what I already knew.
I needed a reason. I got it. I have nothing to lose, and a whole lot to gain.
I walk away with pride of being able to let go of this hidden truth and past time lie.

Black Roses.

final thoughts

People come into your life for a cause, purpose, and reason. Some for the best, some for the worst. They touch you in manners that others have not touched you in.
My question to you is, how did I touch you?
Have I left a smile or a pleasant feeling to you. Or have I disgraced or degraded you.
Have I been that cure to what ever may be ailing you? Or have I been that cancer forever destroying you?
Do you regret the day you met me, or feel that i was a blessing in disguise? Have I taught you anything over the course of time we've known each other ?
I ask these things b/c we as ppl don't know how we affect one another.

Today I could be the person you love with all your heart, but tomorrow I could be a faded memory.
I could be your best friend, tomorrow now you worst enemy.
I may have been that big sister to you, or even the one u wish u were never related to.

All of these things I could have been to someone, but if I wake up tomorrow, what will i then be to you. And if these eyes remain shut, what was i to you?

live with no regrets. seek not what u can gain from me, but what you have gotten from me. don't look at what you gave up, look at the reason why. was it worth it, and if you feel it wasn't why give anything up?

My season may not last forever.
So if tomorrow comes and the sun doesn't rise. Think about the last impression u left on somebody... is that how you really want it to end?

apm*

Let go, and let God...

July 28, 2009
Could be a new beginning or an ending. I don't know what to expect, so I am going to let go, and let God.
For the next ten days I am going to laugh, cry, let out a lot of sighs. But nevertheless. I am going to let go, and let God.
No one knows what tomorrow may hold. So I live for today, and prepare for tomorrow.
So on that note...
I am letting go, and letting God

my silence

i could type a million and one words.
they'll go unread
i could speak til my face turns blue and i'm on my last breath
they'll never be heard
so i'll sit here in silence
holding everything that expresses any type of emotion
the hurt i won't share
the tears i won't shed

i'll keep it in my silence

The Delicate Flower

He Loves me... He Loves me not... He Loves me...

I can sit in my garden of delicate flowers. Pluck all the beautiful pedals that they have blossomed, and still end with "He Loves me".
With so many missing pieces to our jigsaw puzzle. It only makes you wonder could this all be real, or is this just a figment of our imagination?
I often question his notation of Love.
The things he do. The things he say. How he acts. What he tells me. And what I see.
Trust doesn't come easy. So my doubt overrides a lot of things. He tells me something, yet I am seeing and hearing nothing. The vagueness of his honestly, and the sight of his lying. A man once told me "I will not tell you I am a honest guy, only liars speak those words"
Looking at the trail of rose pedals I stop again on "He Loves Me"
Maybe he does love me... Maybe his heart means good..
And even though his actions may be of foolish ways, they could mean nothing and be nothing.
Even rose pedals from my delicate flower cannot prove if he loves me, or loves me not.
The sacrifice, the patience, and the actions of each other can.

APM

We live, and we learn. Saying goes fool me once. shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. So is it shame on me b/c i can be so gullible and trustworthy to some who may not even be deserving. Even after given so many benefits of the doubt and have been shown other. I am still there with arms open, and vulnerable heart. I am weak b/c I keep allowing them to lie to me and to treat me as if I am of no value. Even when I receive praises from them, it almost feel empty, or even unreal.

The pain of a friend. The more you want to just walk away. But knowing you can't b/c they need you. Maybe I'm a sucker with too much of a kind heart that's taken for granted. It's my own fault. Sometimes I wish I could do things differently. But no shooting stars cross my path, and even wishing upon a star is a fairy tale. This is no dream. This is my reality. The reality of a person who will give the world to some, and can't even get back the proper respect from those.

It's a cold and cruel world out there. People are vicious and malicious. Even when I try to be.. I can't b/c my heart won't let me. If I didn't care so much and love so hard. My friends and Family would view me as the cold heart bitch outsiders have labeled me for.

I am closing this door of kindness, and my ability to play the fool to those I care for and love. I cannot be the doormat, or the person you mislead, misguide, or lie to. Love can only take you so far. But when it hurts this bad, and stressing to this point. It's time to walk away from those loved ones. I am no one to turn my back on anyone. But I am no ones fool to sustain what I am being put through.

They only miss you when you're gone. So on that note, I am leaving after this blog..

APM

The ABC's of Ayanna

A- Age: 26

B- Bed Size: California Queen

C- Chore You Hate: taking out the garabge

D- Dog's Name: chocolate, kush, haze, and lily

E- Essential Start Your Day Item: shower

F- Favorite Color(s): blue, blk,green

G- Gold or Silver: Gold

H- Height: 5'2"

I- Instruments you play: none

J- Job Title: exec acct

K- Kid(s): none

L- Living Arrangements: alone

M- Mom's Name: Belle-Linda

N- Nicknames: naKi, yanna, fatty, ayannaki, booski, bahbuska, and pj

O- Overnight Hospital Stay Other Than Birth: too many

P- Pet Peeve(s): ppl who burp in the phone

Q- Quote From A Movie: The old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways. -fight club

R- Right or Left Handed: both but mainly right

S- Siblings: 2 older brothers 4 younger sisters

T- Time You Woke Up This Morning: 7sumthing

U- Underwear: boy shorts, thongs, g-strings.

V- Vegetable you dislike: chickpeas, and sweet peas

W- Ways you run late: over sleep

X- X-Rays You've Had: too many

Y- Yummy Food You Make: everything i cook

Z- Zoo favorite: ze monkeys

see wut boredom does

NYC Bound

I officially have a date(i am hoping they don't change it)
June 22nd, 2009
6 mos.
I am going to miss LA. And the warm weather. lol.
NYC has some beastly hot weather, but nothing like that good ole cali weather.
Looking to still get the condo in Englewood Cliffs.
I am happy , anxious, sad, and definitely looking forward to some life changing events.

Stick around. I may share details.

House Hunting

Ok so idk how long I have been talking about buying a house. House Searching. Yadda Yadda Yadda... Well I finally put an offer on a house. Butttttt... I just withdrew my offer because when he quoted me a monthly payment that just was too much for me. But! I was looking at houses in Santa Monica, I fell in love with 3 homes. And they are all in my means of price. and they look so much better. I will be looking st several more house. by middle of may i shall be settled in a HOUSE in Santa Monica, and bye bye Beverly Hills Apartment.

Twitter

So the big hype of twitter... It's another community site that limits you characters. You still can hold one on one conversations with someone. Have the options to have a private page.

I never seen the big hype about it. 'Til my job started updating up on Twitter. So yeah I had a professional twitter account(is that possible?). Then I decided to make a personal one. Still no biggie. Now I am on my 3rd twitter account. And I am still not impressed with it. I mean it's cool for what it's worth. As Lem would say "ain't shit popping" But something must be poppin' because everyone is there.

Even the people who hated twitter, can't get enough of that shit. It kills times. and I can keep up with the people I am cool with.

I will not follow no one I personally don't know. I am not big on following celebs. Why? I can careless what you're really doing. And if i "@you" it's not like you're really going to respond to me. So it's like having a dead end conversation with someone whose not even paying you too much attention. And to people who are following over 100 people. How do you really keep up. I am sure only about 35 % of them are twittering. But srsly how do you find the time to keep up... or are they just on ya list for a number count.

As of today I follow 21 ppl. and 21 ppl follow me. the only 2 ppl i follow that are not ppl are Time and Downing Street.

Twitter may be the newest hype, but it's pointless... But I'll twitter you twitterlings later

Ciao!
http://twitter.com/_naKi

long time coming

it has been a great minute since I have blogged. And has a lot happened.

I have not blogged for a good reason. several actually. I have been greatly busy, and also what has been going on with me has been personal, somethings i rather not share with the world wide web.
I have endured some hard times in the last cpl mos.

3/6/09 my cousin Sammie, who is also like my sister died in her sleep. She suffered from an asthma attack. She leaves behind a loving family. Beautiful daughter, and committed husband. God claimed her life early, but through us she will love on. It was very sudden to us. We were all preparing for my grandmother to pass, b/c she was in her lasts day. the following week on 3/14/09 my grandmother passed away. A great lost, but she needed to be at peace. I am at peace with it. I will always remember her and miss her.

The storm has not even manage to cease. during all of this my father manage to land himself in the hospital. but he is doing well.

Work life has been pretty damn good. I have decided not to go to France, instead I took on being the Lead Accountant in the International Admin located on in Troy, MI. No I will not be moving there, but i will be conducting meetings from there. I will still be based in LA, with an office in NYC.
Speaking of LA ya girl is about to buy a house. Yes, a house. I have been getting my house search on, and I found one to suit me and my needs, as well as others who may come. 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms. 2 levels, pool, deck and patio. And to top it off a very nice kitchen. I am still on my mission to find a place in NJ/NYC area for when I am staying out there. I have 2 places in mind, I just need to get out there to see them

Family and Friends.
My sisters are doing great.
Allie belly is filling out. She's looking so pretty and pregnant. as far as her wedding, I am not sure. but i am certain it won't be that wedding she wanted
Marisol has hit a down moment, she is currently in the hospital, but no need to worry she will be fine. She turns 21 on the 15th. damn by sis is getting old. lol. Graduates this year. I am so proud of her
Aixa the ghost sister i never talk about is doing pretty damn good. Maintaining a 4.0( i am so proud of her ). And taking great care of my brown baby.
Lana my baby, she has hit a hard time right now. with the lost of my grandmother. who she stayed with has kind of affected her livelihood. But as the adults in the matter we are doing all we can to make her comfortable and able to manage her life as she did before
Billie isn't doing so well. This is a sore issue to even speak on. She has been in the hospital for some time now (a week just about). She had 4 tumors removed from her intestines, and they believe she may have cancer. Although she is young and it may be treated , but not knowing what stage it may be if she has cancer may determine if treatment is an option. All i can do is pray for the best. I am trying not to worry about it. Keep my mind off of it. but it s kind of hard when i have already lost my mother to Cancer, I really don't want to fathom the thought of losing my best friend to it

...

well work is calling... look out for the next blog. it may be a bit more personal

tata for now
ciao!

When it rains it pours...

But I am not going to wait for this storm to pass. I am going to dance in the rain. Splash in the puddles of water, and make the best of the stormy weather. After every storm their is a Rainbow, and at the end of that rainbow is my pot of gold...

He's there with me to share my sorrows and happiness with. Literally he has been there for the better and the worse. As I stand by his side from a distant. he holds my hand, and I hold his hand. We'll get through anything, and everything. Friends or Lovers.

And even when best friends fall out. Just means we need a break from each other. If this doesn't work out. It's been a good long run. Although we don't see eye to eye on things. Thats human nature. We never will. But support is one thing that cannot fall short on. Maybe one day things will be back on track. Just today we're not. Hopefully that train comes around again. if not... may we laugh at the good times. and be glad we had each other for the bad times...

Sisters forever, til the end of time. Nothing can change that if we wanted to. We may fight, and bicker at each other. At the end of the day I am still your big sister and I will always love you. Although I take a stand back, I support you, and have you in my heart.

She's been on this journey for 80 plus yrs. It saddens me to see you in the state you're in... But I won't be cry, I'll smile at the impact you have had on my life, and all the others that have come your way. So tonight I smile at the blessing, and thank God for you. Rest your mind and soul Abuela, you fought long and hard enough. We got this here...

Let's go play and dance through this storm

APM