We live, and we learn. Saying goes fool me once. shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. So is it shame on me b/c i can be so gullible and trustworthy to some who may not even be deserving. Even after given so many benefits of the doubt and have been shown other. I am still there with arms open, and vulnerable heart. I am weak b/c I keep allowing them to lie to me and to treat me as if I am of no value. Even when I receive praises from them, it almost feel empty, or even unreal.
The pain of a friend. The more you want to just walk away. But knowing you can't b/c they need you. Maybe I'm a sucker with too much of a kind heart that's taken for granted. It's my own fault. Sometimes I wish I could do things differently. But no shooting stars cross my path, and even wishing upon a star is a fairy tale. This is no dream. This is my reality. The reality of a person who will give the world to some, and can't even get back the proper respect from those.
It's a cold and cruel world out there. People are vicious and malicious. Even when I try to be.. I can't b/c my heart won't let me. If I didn't care so much and love so hard. My friends and Family would view me as the cold heart bitch outsiders have labeled me for.
I am closing this door of kindness, and my ability to play the fool to those I care for and love. I cannot be the doormat, or the person you mislead, misguide, or lie to. Love can only take you so far. But when it hurts this bad, and stressing to this point. It's time to walk away from those loved ones. I am no one to turn my back on anyone. But I am no ones fool to sustain what I am being put through.
They only miss you when you're gone. So on that note, I am leaving after this blog..
APM
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
The ABC's of Ayanna
A- Age: 26
B- Bed Size: California Queen
C- Chore You Hate: taking out the garabge
D- Dog's Name: chocolate, kush, haze, and lily
E- Essential Start Your Day Item: shower
F- Favorite Color(s): blue, blk,green
G- Gold or Silver: Gold
H- Height: 5'2"
I- Instruments you play: none
J- Job Title: exec acct
K- Kid(s): none
L- Living Arrangements: alone
M- Mom's Name: Belle-Linda
N- Nicknames: naKi, yanna, fatty, ayannaki, booski, bahbuska, and pj
O- Overnight Hospital Stay Other Than Birth: too many
P- Pet Peeve(s): ppl who burp in the phone
Q- Quote From A Movie: The old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways. -fight club
R- Right or Left Handed: both but mainly right
S- Siblings: 2 older brothers 4 younger sisters
T- Time You Woke Up This Morning: 7sumthing
U- Underwear: boy shorts, thongs, g-strings.
V- Vegetable you dislike: chickpeas, and sweet peas
W- Ways you run late: over sleep
X- X-Rays You've Had: too many
Y- Yummy Food You Make: everything i cook
Z- Zoo favorite: ze monkeys
see wut boredom does
B- Bed Size: California Queen
C- Chore You Hate: taking out the garabge
D- Dog's Name: chocolate, kush, haze, and lily
E- Essential Start Your Day Item: shower
F- Favorite Color(s): blue, blk,green
G- Gold or Silver: Gold
H- Height: 5'2"
I- Instruments you play: none
J- Job Title: exec acct
K- Kid(s): none
L- Living Arrangements: alone
M- Mom's Name: Belle-Linda
N- Nicknames: naKi, yanna, fatty, ayannaki, booski, bahbuska, and pj
O- Overnight Hospital Stay Other Than Birth: too many
P- Pet Peeve(s): ppl who burp in the phone
Q- Quote From A Movie: The old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways. -fight club
R- Right or Left Handed: both but mainly right
S- Siblings: 2 older brothers 4 younger sisters
T- Time You Woke Up This Morning: 7sumthing
U- Underwear: boy shorts, thongs, g-strings.
V- Vegetable you dislike: chickpeas, and sweet peas
W- Ways you run late: over sleep
X- X-Rays You've Had: too many
Y- Yummy Food You Make: everything i cook
Z- Zoo favorite: ze monkeys
see wut boredom does
Sunday, May 31, 2009
NYC Bound
I officially have a date(i am hoping they don't change it)
June 22nd, 2009
6 mos.
I am going to miss LA. And the warm weather. lol.
NYC has some beastly hot weather, but nothing like that good ole cali weather.
Looking to still get the condo in Englewood Cliffs.
I am happy , anxious, sad, and definitely looking forward to some life changing events.
Stick around. I may share details.
June 22nd, 2009
6 mos.
I am going to miss LA. And the warm weather. lol.
NYC has some beastly hot weather, but nothing like that good ole cali weather.
Looking to still get the condo in Englewood Cliffs.
I am happy , anxious, sad, and definitely looking forward to some life changing events.
Stick around. I may share details.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
House Hunting
Ok so idk how long I have been talking about buying a house. House Searching. Yadda Yadda Yadda... Well I finally put an offer on a house. Butttttt... I just withdrew my offer because when he quoted me a monthly payment that just was too much for me. But! I was looking at houses in Santa Monica, I fell in love with 3 homes. And they are all in my means of price. and they look so much better. I will be looking st several more house. by middle of may i shall be settled in a HOUSE in Santa Monica, and bye bye Beverly Hills Apartment.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
So the big hype of twitter... It's another community site that limits you characters. You still can hold one on one conversations with someone. Have the options to have a private page.
I never seen the big hype about it. 'Til my job started updating up on Twitter. So yeah I had a professional twitter account(is that possible?). Then I decided to make a personal one. Still no biggie. Now I am on my 3rd twitter account. And I am still not impressed with it. I mean it's cool for what it's worth. As Lem would say "ain't shit popping" But something must be poppin' because everyone is there.
Even the people who hated twitter, can't get enough of that shit. It kills times. and I can keep up with the people I am cool with.
I will not follow no one I personally don't know. I am not big on following celebs. Why? I can careless what you're really doing. And if i "@you" it's not like you're really going to respond to me. So it's like having a dead end conversation with someone whose not even paying you too much attention. And to people who are following over 100 people. How do you really keep up. I am sure only about 35 % of them are twittering. But srsly how do you find the time to keep up... or are they just on ya list for a number count.
As of today I follow 21 ppl. and 21 ppl follow me. the only 2 ppl i follow that are not ppl are Time and Downing Street.
Twitter may be the newest hype, but it's pointless... But I'll twitter you twitterlings later
Ciao!
http://twitter.com/_naKi
I never seen the big hype about it. 'Til my job started updating up on Twitter. So yeah I had a professional twitter account(is that possible?). Then I decided to make a personal one. Still no biggie. Now I am on my 3rd twitter account. And I am still not impressed with it. I mean it's cool for what it's worth. As Lem would say "ain't shit popping" But something must be poppin' because everyone is there.
Even the people who hated twitter, can't get enough of that shit. It kills times. and I can keep up with the people I am cool with.
I will not follow no one I personally don't know. I am not big on following celebs. Why? I can careless what you're really doing. And if i "@you" it's not like you're really going to respond to me. So it's like having a dead end conversation with someone whose not even paying you too much attention. And to people who are following over 100 people. How do you really keep up. I am sure only about 35 % of them are twittering. But srsly how do you find the time to keep up... or are they just on ya list for a number count.
As of today I follow 21 ppl. and 21 ppl follow me. the only 2 ppl i follow that are not ppl are Time and Downing Street.
Twitter may be the newest hype, but it's pointless... But I'll twitter you twitterlings later
Ciao!
http://twitter.com/_naKi
Monday, April 13, 2009
long time coming
it has been a great minute since I have blogged. And has a lot happened.
I have not blogged for a good reason. several actually. I have been greatly busy, and also what has been going on with me has been personal, somethings i rather not share with the world wide web.
I have endured some hard times in the last cpl mos.
3/6/09 my cousin Sammie, who is also like my sister died in her sleep. She suffered from an asthma attack. She leaves behind a loving family. Beautiful daughter, and committed husband. God claimed her life early, but through us she will love on. It was very sudden to us. We were all preparing for my grandmother to pass, b/c she was in her lasts day. the following week on 3/14/09 my grandmother passed away. A great lost, but she needed to be at peace. I am at peace with it. I will always remember her and miss her.
The storm has not even manage to cease. during all of this my father manage to land himself in the hospital. but he is doing well.
Work life has been pretty damn good. I have decided not to go to France, instead I took on being the Lead Accountant in the International Admin located on in Troy, MI. No I will not be moving there, but i will be conducting meetings from there. I will still be based in LA, with an office in NYC.
Speaking of LA ya girl is about to buy a house. Yes, a house. I have been getting my house search on, and I found one to suit me and my needs, as well as others who may come. 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms. 2 levels, pool, deck and patio. And to top it off a very nice kitchen. I am still on my mission to find a place in NJ/NYC area for when I am staying out there. I have 2 places in mind, I just need to get out there to see them
Family and Friends.
My sisters are doing great.
Allie belly is filling out. She's looking so pretty and pregnant. as far as her wedding, I am not sure. but i am certain it won't be that wedding she wanted
Marisol has hit a down moment, she is currently in the hospital, but no need to worry she will be fine. She turns 21 on the 15th. damn by sis is getting old. lol. Graduates this year. I am so proud of her
Aixa the ghost sister i never talk about is doing pretty damn good. Maintaining a 4.0( i am so proud of her ). And taking great care of my brown baby.
Lana my baby, she has hit a hard time right now. with the lost of my grandmother. who she stayed with has kind of affected her livelihood. But as the adults in the matter we are doing all we can to make her comfortable and able to manage her life as she did before
Billie isn't doing so well. This is a sore issue to even speak on. She has been in the hospital for some time now (a week just about). She had 4 tumors removed from her intestines, and they believe she may have cancer. Although she is young and it may be treated , but not knowing what stage it may be if she has cancer may determine if treatment is an option. All i can do is pray for the best. I am trying not to worry about it. Keep my mind off of it. but it s kind of hard when i have already lost my mother to Cancer, I really don't want to fathom the thought of losing my best friend to it
...
well work is calling... look out for the next blog. it may be a bit more personal
tata for now
ciao!
I have not blogged for a good reason. several actually. I have been greatly busy, and also what has been going on with me has been personal, somethings i rather not share with the world wide web.
I have endured some hard times in the last cpl mos.
3/6/09 my cousin Sammie, who is also like my sister died in her sleep. She suffered from an asthma attack. She leaves behind a loving family. Beautiful daughter, and committed husband. God claimed her life early, but through us she will love on. It was very sudden to us. We were all preparing for my grandmother to pass, b/c she was in her lasts day. the following week on 3/14/09 my grandmother passed away. A great lost, but she needed to be at peace. I am at peace with it. I will always remember her and miss her.
The storm has not even manage to cease. during all of this my father manage to land himself in the hospital. but he is doing well.
Work life has been pretty damn good. I have decided not to go to France, instead I took on being the Lead Accountant in the International Admin located on in Troy, MI. No I will not be moving there, but i will be conducting meetings from there. I will still be based in LA, with an office in NYC.
Speaking of LA ya girl is about to buy a house. Yes, a house. I have been getting my house search on, and I found one to suit me and my needs, as well as others who may come. 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms. 2 levels, pool, deck and patio. And to top it off a very nice kitchen. I am still on my mission to find a place in NJ/NYC area for when I am staying out there. I have 2 places in mind, I just need to get out there to see them
Family and Friends.
My sisters are doing great.
Allie belly is filling out. She's looking so pretty and pregnant. as far as her wedding, I am not sure. but i am certain it won't be that wedding she wanted
Marisol has hit a down moment, she is currently in the hospital, but no need to worry she will be fine. She turns 21 on the 15th. damn by sis is getting old. lol. Graduates this year. I am so proud of her
Aixa the ghost sister i never talk about is doing pretty damn good. Maintaining a 4.0( i am so proud of her ). And taking great care of my brown baby.
Lana my baby, she has hit a hard time right now. with the lost of my grandmother. who she stayed with has kind of affected her livelihood. But as the adults in the matter we are doing all we can to make her comfortable and able to manage her life as she did before
Billie isn't doing so well. This is a sore issue to even speak on. She has been in the hospital for some time now (a week just about). She had 4 tumors removed from her intestines, and they believe she may have cancer. Although she is young and it may be treated , but not knowing what stage it may be if she has cancer may determine if treatment is an option. All i can do is pray for the best. I am trying not to worry about it. Keep my mind off of it. but it s kind of hard when i have already lost my mother to Cancer, I really don't want to fathom the thought of losing my best friend to it
...
well work is calling... look out for the next blog. it may be a bit more personal
tata for now
ciao!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
When it rains it pours...
But I am not going to wait for this storm to pass. I am going to dance in the rain. Splash in the puddles of water, and make the best of the stormy weather. After every storm their is a Rainbow, and at the end of that rainbow is my pot of gold...
He's there with me to share my sorrows and happiness with. Literally he has been there for the better and the worse. As I stand by his side from a distant. he holds my hand, and I hold his hand. We'll get through anything, and everything. Friends or Lovers.
And even when best friends fall out. Just means we need a break from each other. If this doesn't work out. It's been a good long run. Although we don't see eye to eye on things. Thats human nature. We never will. But support is one thing that cannot fall short on. Maybe one day things will be back on track. Just today we're not. Hopefully that train comes around again. if not... may we laugh at the good times. and be glad we had each other for the bad times...
Sisters forever, til the end of time. Nothing can change that if we wanted to. We may fight, and bicker at each other. At the end of the day I am still your big sister and I will always love you. Although I take a stand back, I support you, and have you in my heart.
She's been on this journey for 80 plus yrs. It saddens me to see you in the state you're in... But I won't be cry, I'll smile at the impact you have had on my life, and all the others that have come your way. So tonight I smile at the blessing, and thank God for you. Rest your mind and soul Abuela, you fought long and hard enough. We got this here...
Let's go play and dance through this storm
APM
He's there with me to share my sorrows and happiness with. Literally he has been there for the better and the worse. As I stand by his side from a distant. he holds my hand, and I hold his hand. We'll get through anything, and everything. Friends or Lovers.
And even when best friends fall out. Just means we need a break from each other. If this doesn't work out. It's been a good long run. Although we don't see eye to eye on things. Thats human nature. We never will. But support is one thing that cannot fall short on. Maybe one day things will be back on track. Just today we're not. Hopefully that train comes around again. if not... may we laugh at the good times. and be glad we had each other for the bad times...
Sisters forever, til the end of time. Nothing can change that if we wanted to. We may fight, and bicker at each other. At the end of the day I am still your big sister and I will always love you. Although I take a stand back, I support you, and have you in my heart.
She's been on this journey for 80 plus yrs. It saddens me to see you in the state you're in... But I won't be cry, I'll smile at the impact you have had on my life, and all the others that have come your way. So tonight I smile at the blessing, and thank God for you. Rest your mind and soul Abuela, you fought long and hard enough. We got this here...
Let's go play and dance through this storm
APM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)