no indirect. no subliminal messages.
i am a straight forward person. and typically if something is bothering me. i will definitely say something to you. my blogs are my vent spot. it's not to bash anyone. it's not to get anyone attention. it's just my pure release therapy. if i have ever had any feelings towards anyone. i have made sure i went straight to that person and said so. if i had questions about someone, or their actions. i have went to them.
i do not want anyone online to ever think my blogs are about them unless some how some way we have a connection offline. there is a select handful of people i do deal with. they know who they are. and they know where we stand. as i know who they are and where we stand.
when it comes to certain a person. i know what it is. i know what it has been, and what it'll never be. so i don't set the bar too high with them. i keep it casual, and keep it moving. we both know that. i respect his standings, as he respects mine. and we get a lone very fine with that. i know what's going on in his life. as well as he does with mine. and if i ever had a problem or question.. I've always went directly to him. and he has never had a problem with answering it...
so never read too deep into my blogs. or think it's pertaining a person online. and if it ever is... trust they'll know it is about them...
yes this was my disclaimer
amber your still my pretty brown girl :)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
i bet chu think this blog is about you
muthafucking right it is
i miss you
i miss you
and hopefully we'll get back on schedule with our normal... it seems like when i was busy.. you wasn't... then you got busy... and i wasn't... then we said we were going to get it back to our usual.. and now i'm always sleeping due to taking the meds. and you heard how much pain i was in... but it's no excuse. i miss the hell out of you...
money...family
last night my sister called me crying about her boyfriend.
keep in mind i am half out of it. in pain. and not really too much wanting to hear about her problems. well i guess he took her car to the shop to get an oil change. she gave her the debit card to her account to do so.. which he gladly did. some how in the midst of all of this. he asked her... "babe, u remember them jeans i wanted... let me order them" of course she says yeah...
sometime later on in the evening, she gets a call from her bank telling her her account was severely overdrawn... and she had her rent, car note, and insurance due that's automatically pulled from her account.
to find out her boyfriend decided to go on a little shopping spree at her expense.. now at my expense. his excuse was... i thought u had enough money in the account to cover all the charges..
(stops to take a breather)
i don't give a fuck how much money you think someone has... you do not take it upon yourself to help yourself to their money. i don't care if u are her boyfriend. shit you could be her fucking husband. you just don't do no shit like that what so ever. you asked for a pair of jeans. which is all you shoulda order. don't go buying all this extra shit. if it was my dude.. oh that shit would have been returned. and his ass would have been out fucking cold. i don't care where the fuck u stay. but you gotta go.. flat out..
muthafucka had some big balls to think he could just spend her money... now my money.
of course i fixed her account for her... and gave he enough money for her rent. car note. and insurance. -shakes my head-
she's a grown ass woman.. he's a grown ass man. no one should ever be this irresponsible. but that's my kid sister, and i know if my mommy were around she'd did the same...
of course she cannot go to our dad, b/c our dad would have had a lot more than i would have to say. and due to how much pain i was in. i didn't even wanna be bothered with going thru it with her...
but he'll hear it.. and he'll pay me back all my fucking money. worthless ass muthafucka
ohh ppl make my blood boil
keep in mind i am half out of it. in pain. and not really too much wanting to hear about her problems. well i guess he took her car to the shop to get an oil change. she gave her the debit card to her account to do so.. which he gladly did. some how in the midst of all of this. he asked her... "babe, u remember them jeans i wanted... let me order them" of course she says yeah...
sometime later on in the evening, she gets a call from her bank telling her her account was severely overdrawn... and she had her rent, car note, and insurance due that's automatically pulled from her account.
to find out her boyfriend decided to go on a little shopping spree at her expense.. now at my expense. his excuse was... i thought u had enough money in the account to cover all the charges..
(stops to take a breather)
i don't give a fuck how much money you think someone has... you do not take it upon yourself to help yourself to their money. i don't care if u are her boyfriend. shit you could be her fucking husband. you just don't do no shit like that what so ever. you asked for a pair of jeans. which is all you shoulda order. don't go buying all this extra shit. if it was my dude.. oh that shit would have been returned. and his ass would have been out fucking cold. i don't care where the fuck u stay. but you gotta go.. flat out..
muthafucka had some big balls to think he could just spend her money... now my money.
of course i fixed her account for her... and gave he enough money for her rent. car note. and insurance. -shakes my head-
she's a grown ass woman.. he's a grown ass man. no one should ever be this irresponsible. but that's my kid sister, and i know if my mommy were around she'd did the same...
of course she cannot go to our dad, b/c our dad would have had a lot more than i would have to say. and due to how much pain i was in. i didn't even wanna be bothered with going thru it with her...
but he'll hear it.. and he'll pay me back all my fucking money. worthless ass muthafucka
ohh ppl make my blood boil
pain..pain..pain
i swear i have sooo many controlled substance it id pitiful
first i was prescribed percacets. those really knocked me out. so i couldn't take them at work
next they gave me vicodin... those did the same. but not as much
now i am on ultram... which works but it still makes me tired...
and none of these pills really relieve the pain. just takes the edge off of it
so not only am i dealing with my back problem. now kidney problems
but this shit will not stop me. i got too much going on to slow down.
might slow me up, but fuck it imma keep moving.
recently they discovered i had kidney stones. which is why my back has been hurting so bad as well. i spent a good portion of my Thursday in the hospital due to very very bad pain. they ruled out that it was my back. b/c the pain i was describing was too much for it to have been my back. they ran a million and one labs. and discovered it was my kidneys. they did a sonogram on my kidneys. and so far they can see at least 3 nice size stones in there. god i pray they break down before i pass them. i wouldn't wish this pain on anyone what so ever...
it's definitely messing with my life. i am so out of it at work. i come home and takes these meds, and they knock me out... so no socializing with my friends/peers... soon enough i'll get thru this.
with all the drugs they have given me. i am sure i will be at some comfort.. but not much
first i was prescribed percacets. those really knocked me out. so i couldn't take them at work
next they gave me vicodin... those did the same. but not as much
now i am on ultram... which works but it still makes me tired...
and none of these pills really relieve the pain. just takes the edge off of it
so not only am i dealing with my back problem. now kidney problems
but this shit will not stop me. i got too much going on to slow down.
might slow me up, but fuck it imma keep moving.
recently they discovered i had kidney stones. which is why my back has been hurting so bad as well. i spent a good portion of my Thursday in the hospital due to very very bad pain. they ruled out that it was my back. b/c the pain i was describing was too much for it to have been my back. they ran a million and one labs. and discovered it was my kidneys. they did a sonogram on my kidneys. and so far they can see at least 3 nice size stones in there. god i pray they break down before i pass them. i wouldn't wish this pain on anyone what so ever...
it's definitely messing with my life. i am so out of it at work. i come home and takes these meds, and they knock me out... so no socializing with my friends/peers... soon enough i'll get thru this.
with all the drugs they have given me. i am sure i will be at some comfort.. but not much
all good things come to an end
well eventually...
i just got news that one of my dear friends might be leaving the country... we're not sure yet if he'll be leaving. but it definitely may happen. it sucks b/c i know I'll miss him. and even though there is e-mail. myspace. and im's. won't be the same cause i know i can't just jump up and call him or go see him. and bug out like we always do.
so while he is around. i'll enjoy it like i may never see him again. and if he doesn't leave. I'll still enjoy it like I'll never see him again
when he told me.. it definitely made me sad and feel some sort of way. he told me i wasn't allowed to get all emotional on him. but blah... i know i will if he leaves. just the thought of it saddens me...
but until he's gone... imma bug the shit out of him. and he'll enjoy every minute of it. lol
-apm
i just got news that one of my dear friends might be leaving the country... we're not sure yet if he'll be leaving. but it definitely may happen. it sucks b/c i know I'll miss him. and even though there is e-mail. myspace. and im's. won't be the same cause i know i can't just jump up and call him or go see him. and bug out like we always do.
so while he is around. i'll enjoy it like i may never see him again. and if he doesn't leave. I'll still enjoy it like I'll never see him again
when he told me.. it definitely made me sad and feel some sort of way. he told me i wasn't allowed to get all emotional on him. but blah... i know i will if he leaves. just the thought of it saddens me...
but until he's gone... imma bug the shit out of him. and he'll enjoy every minute of it. lol
-apm
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
sweet success
just when i thought I've lost it all... everything is gradually coming back to me. even though i do not have a great grip on everything. and day by day i am getting a stronger grip on it.
a lot has happened in the past 5 weeks. seem like when i thought i was losing everything... i finally realized i am not...
as of lately one great person has entered my life, and two old friends have reappeared.. they have been supportive. encouraging. and a great friends to me. something i really need. and i can see me going places with them. to building a stronger friendship. it's amazing how u cut out good ppl, and when you need them they are still there. those are very hard to find. that's a true friend for you
my on going biggest battle was finding a new job. not that my current/old job was a bad job. but it was a busy job. stressful job, and very unfair. the pay was great. the traveling was fun. but to work there for over a yr and still not one vacation to show for it. isn't a good look. especially needed ones. we were over worked and under staffed. which made my job ten times worst then what it was. no personal to spend with my family, friends, or significant other. too busy hoping airplanes.
My new job is at Conde' Nast. If you are not familiar click the name and you'll see how big that company is. About 6 mos ago i applied for this position, got turned down due to age, and lack of experience. It's amazing how all of a sudden they're calling me offering a higher ranked position, with a larger salary. and not just one office but 3 offices (Los Angeles, New York City, and France). Where ever i chose to have my home office, my other two offices they will provide me with my living space, car, and other necessities to get through my time there. Which is lovely!
I have not yet accepted the offer. but i am really aiming towards it. it's a great opportunity for me. probably a one in a lifetime opportunity too. so why not take it. i don't have anything holding me. and i believe I'd have 100% support from my close friends.
to be 26 with a position like this (Executive Finance Director/Coordinator).
this is definitely a sweet success story.
i will keep you guys updated on how things go
wish me luck
:)
-apm
a lot has happened in the past 5 weeks. seem like when i thought i was losing everything... i finally realized i am not...
as of lately one great person has entered my life, and two old friends have reappeared.. they have been supportive. encouraging. and a great friends to me. something i really need. and i can see me going places with them. to building a stronger friendship. it's amazing how u cut out good ppl, and when you need them they are still there. those are very hard to find. that's a true friend for you
my on going biggest battle was finding a new job. not that my current/old job was a bad job. but it was a busy job. stressful job, and very unfair. the pay was great. the traveling was fun. but to work there for over a yr and still not one vacation to show for it. isn't a good look. especially needed ones. we were over worked and under staffed. which made my job ten times worst then what it was. no personal to spend with my family, friends, or significant other. too busy hoping airplanes.
My new job is at Conde' Nast. If you are not familiar click the name and you'll see how big that company is. About 6 mos ago i applied for this position, got turned down due to age, and lack of experience. It's amazing how all of a sudden they're calling me offering a higher ranked position, with a larger salary. and not just one office but 3 offices (Los Angeles, New York City, and France). Where ever i chose to have my home office, my other two offices they will provide me with my living space, car, and other necessities to get through my time there. Which is lovely!
I have not yet accepted the offer. but i am really aiming towards it. it's a great opportunity for me. probably a one in a lifetime opportunity too. so why not take it. i don't have anything holding me. and i believe I'd have 100% support from my close friends.
to be 26 with a position like this (Executive Finance Director/Coordinator).
this is definitely a sweet success story.
i will keep you guys updated on how things go
wish me luck
:)
-apm
cheat...
now if i have read and seen some of the craziest shit..
but this right here...
all i can say is "WOW"
i almost feel bad for laughing
but this shit is funny
him: my only want from u...is u with me everynight and u with me every morning...
him: and random msgs during the afternoon so I know ur not cheating
him: cuz if u are
him: god help the dude
him: and u
her: lol@random messages to know im not cheating
him: yep
him: either that or ill come see u@ work
her: i could be cheating and sending u random messages
her: lol u can do that
her: have lunch w/me
him: I don't think you'd wana cheat on me
him: lol
him: and not cuz I'm the perfect guy
him: cuz I'm far from that
him: I think its cuz you'd be afraid 2 see what I did
her: nah i dont believe in cheating
him: I hope not
him: cuz I believe in killing
her: lmaooooo
him:: and I know how to get away with such
her: u scare me
him: lol
her: thats not funny
him: yea it is
but this right here...
all i can say is "WOW"
i almost feel bad for laughing
but this shit is funny
him: my only want from u...is u with me everynight and u with me every morning...
him: and random msgs during the afternoon so I know ur not cheating
him: cuz if u are
him: god help the dude
him: and u
her: lol@random messages to know im not cheating
him: yep
him: either that or ill come see u@ work
her: i could be cheating and sending u random messages
her: lol u can do that
her: have lunch w/me
him: I don't think you'd wana cheat on me
him: lol
him: and not cuz I'm the perfect guy
him: cuz I'm far from that
him: I think its cuz you'd be afraid 2 see what I did
her: nah i dont believe in cheating
him: I hope not
him: cuz I believe in killing
her: lmaooooo
him:: and I know how to get away with such
her: u scare me
him: lol
her: thats not funny
him: yea it is
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