I was just reading a friend of mine blog. And she spoke on her previous relationship. And how she feels. Both negative and positive thoughts on it. And pretty much saying how hard it is.
No matter if it's deep feelings, in strong likings, or even love(in love). once that person is gone, those feelings are hard to kill off.
You begin to miss the small things, and forget about all the bad times you two may have had. Notice that morning, afternoons, and nights are not the same b/c they are missing. you begin to weigh out the good and the bad and realize the good out weighed the bad. and the silly shit you fought about.
At times you want to scream at him, tell them you hate them b/c you're so angry, but once the storm calms u realize you really do love that person. and no matter what they do, you still want them.
call it a fools heart.
you look at what they've done. you say to yourself over and over again you can do better... but what is really better?
it can suck, b/c it hurts to be with them, and it hurts to be with out them
and when they are gone... and come back, you realize those feelings have never left... and you want to do everything to get them back.
true love dies hard. and if u say u can brush it off, you're full of shit...
apm
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
him...
Has there even been that someone that you felt that life w/o them would be so incomplete. no matter what they have done. things they have said. or how many times you just wanted to walk out on them, and never look back...
he is that person you have forgiven him for all of his fuck ups, and he has forgiven you for all of your lackings and slackings. he knows where your heart lies and she knows where his heart lies.
that someone who you look forward to seeing every morning when u open your eyes, the last voice before you fall asleep. that friendly voice on the phone to calm you down when you are angry, or that calming voice when you are in a pits and u know his words of encouragement will take u so far.
that person who is the missing puzzle piece in your life. that one piece that completes everything about you, and you know you are the piece of the puzzle that completes him.. that compliments him. as far as his swag, his stance, his persona, his life style.
you are that person who puts him in his place, and he has no problem with correcting you, and making sure you are on your shit. for little things you look for his approval, and his support. b/c you know what you are doing is for the both of you. as well as he does the same with his life, and all moves he makes...
just to desire his touch, to smell his scent, to lay in his arms... kiss his lips... feel his hands caress certain parts of your body. his arms is your shield and protector, and he has promised to protect you for the rest of y'all life.
even during the separating moments.. they are never forgotten, missed deeply, and wanting them back desperately. and knowing going back may hurt you more than being without them... but you take them risk b/c the feeling is so real, so deep, and so much love is there. true love.
something must keep bringing us back together to get to this point... so i am extending my hand to you one more time, hoping you hold on, and never let me go...
timing is everything... and my clock has ran out before, but i think the ref put 3:00 minutes back on the clock to give me another chance to get a lifetime of happiness back...
it's amazing what your heart will do to you... and how he can just cradle you and it...
he is that person you have forgiven him for all of his fuck ups, and he has forgiven you for all of your lackings and slackings. he knows where your heart lies and she knows where his heart lies.
that someone who you look forward to seeing every morning when u open your eyes, the last voice before you fall asleep. that friendly voice on the phone to calm you down when you are angry, or that calming voice when you are in a pits and u know his words of encouragement will take u so far.
that person who is the missing puzzle piece in your life. that one piece that completes everything about you, and you know you are the piece of the puzzle that completes him.. that compliments him. as far as his swag, his stance, his persona, his life style.
you are that person who puts him in his place, and he has no problem with correcting you, and making sure you are on your shit. for little things you look for his approval, and his support. b/c you know what you are doing is for the both of you. as well as he does the same with his life, and all moves he makes...
just to desire his touch, to smell his scent, to lay in his arms... kiss his lips... feel his hands caress certain parts of your body. his arms is your shield and protector, and he has promised to protect you for the rest of y'all life.
even during the separating moments.. they are never forgotten, missed deeply, and wanting them back desperately. and knowing going back may hurt you more than being without them... but you take them risk b/c the feeling is so real, so deep, and so much love is there. true love.
something must keep bringing us back together to get to this point... so i am extending my hand to you one more time, hoping you hold on, and never let me go...
timing is everything... and my clock has ran out before, but i think the ref put 3:00 minutes back on the clock to give me another chance to get a lifetime of happiness back...
it's amazing what your heart will do to you... and how he can just cradle you and it...
Questions?
We all have questions that always go unanswered, and even when answered we do not always like the answer. So we ask a different way to get a different answer, and at the end of the day it is still the same answer as before.
We tend to answer questions out of emotions. But have we every tried answering them by setting your emotions aside. Instead of giving an idealistic answer, it's more of a realistic answers.
Some questions go deeper, and touch parts of you that you cannot ask without including some sort of emotion. but we will never get a true answer b/c it is shield by our emotions. and of course we'll answer them the way we see it fit for us.
take a stand back and ask yourself that million dollar question. that you have been dying and seeking an answer for, and see what you get..
emotions vs reality...
the reality hurts more than anything, but what is hurt.. it's an emotion. and we all say we want the truth... but is everyone capable of handling the truth when it is given to you in the rarest form?
Honestly, no.
We want the answer to the question, but when we get it, we wished we never heard it.
So do we really want the truth?
Or do we want that sheltered answer?
We tend to answer questions out of emotions. But have we every tried answering them by setting your emotions aside. Instead of giving an idealistic answer, it's more of a realistic answers.
Some questions go deeper, and touch parts of you that you cannot ask without including some sort of emotion. but we will never get a true answer b/c it is shield by our emotions. and of course we'll answer them the way we see it fit for us.
take a stand back and ask yourself that million dollar question. that you have been dying and seeking an answer for, and see what you get..
emotions vs reality...
the reality hurts more than anything, but what is hurt.. it's an emotion. and we all say we want the truth... but is everyone capable of handling the truth when it is given to you in the rarest form?
Honestly, no.
We want the answer to the question, but when we get it, we wished we never heard it.
So do we really want the truth?
Or do we want that sheltered answer?
Monday, December 29, 2008
you me and she
In almost all cases there will be a "You, Me, and She"
The she could be his friend, or his actual companion. She will know all about you, the ups and downs of your relationship. She is his comforter. She is his best friend. They share "Love you's, and Miss you" She may even invite Him to watch football or chill with her significant other. We tend to worry about the "she" and by all means you should
Even when She is does not pose as a threat she is a threat. She tends to prey on Him when he is down and vulnerable. And if she is right on time she will win over...
But I have news the for "Shes" out there. At the end of the night he will not leave his wife/woman for you. No matter what you whisper in his ear. or how well you may fuck him. or treat him. You are a scape goat. He will use you for what he wants. Of course he will consider you as a true friend. but never anything more than that. If he screws you, he is just fucking you with no emotion. If he tells you he loves you. it's a friendly gesture. He may check up on you, and joke around with you. But that's cause it's fun for now. but his heart is not there.... Once We find out about the depth of the She... He will cut you loose, because nothing is ever better than home. And he will do what it takes to keep home in place. You may call him, cry to him, or reach out to him after the friendship ends. But it'll always be a closed door in the face. As much as it hurts. You can't help but deal with it. Remember you were not the main woman, you were the sideline. Although you may have been there for him, you're nothing more than a friend.. with open arms, and maybe even open legs... Know where you really stand...
as far as the "Me" out there... Take care of home and he won't need her at all. She will only be there for hello's and good byes, hope all is well, and have a good day.
You... Me... & She...
We all are one of them... Which one are you
The she could be his friend, or his actual companion. She will know all about you, the ups and downs of your relationship. She is his comforter. She is his best friend. They share "Love you's, and Miss you" She may even invite Him to watch football or chill with her significant other. We tend to worry about the "she" and by all means you should
Even when She is does not pose as a threat she is a threat. She tends to prey on Him when he is down and vulnerable. And if she is right on time she will win over...
But I have news the for "Shes" out there. At the end of the night he will not leave his wife/woman for you. No matter what you whisper in his ear. or how well you may fuck him. or treat him. You are a scape goat. He will use you for what he wants. Of course he will consider you as a true friend. but never anything more than that. If he screws you, he is just fucking you with no emotion. If he tells you he loves you. it's a friendly gesture. He may check up on you, and joke around with you. But that's cause it's fun for now. but his heart is not there.... Once We find out about the depth of the She... He will cut you loose, because nothing is ever better than home. And he will do what it takes to keep home in place. You may call him, cry to him, or reach out to him after the friendship ends. But it'll always be a closed door in the face. As much as it hurts. You can't help but deal with it. Remember you were not the main woman, you were the sideline. Although you may have been there for him, you're nothing more than a friend.. with open arms, and maybe even open legs... Know where you really stand...
as far as the "Me" out there... Take care of home and he won't need her at all. She will only be there for hello's and good byes, hope all is well, and have a good day.
You... Me... & She...
We all are one of them... Which one are you
Saturday, December 20, 2008
randomness
Where do I begin...
Work... It's cool starting to pick up for me now. They're letting me do some actual work.. I am enjoying it. and loving it
NYC and Paris here i come...
Christmas... I am not in the Christmas mood at all. I am trying to find the spirit. I am sure i won't but... Merry Christmas. I am sure my family will enjoy the gifts.
The New Year... I am not certain yet what is going yet. But I will be in New York City. It's a lot to do, and a lot of people to see...
As far as me... I will be better with time.
be well
Work... It's cool starting to pick up for me now. They're letting me do some actual work.. I am enjoying it. and loving it
NYC and Paris here i come...
Christmas... I am not in the Christmas mood at all. I am trying to find the spirit. I am sure i won't but... Merry Christmas. I am sure my family will enjoy the gifts.
The New Year... I am not certain yet what is going yet. But I will be in New York City. It's a lot to do, and a lot of people to see...
As far as me... I will be better with time.
be well
Thursday, December 4, 2008
1st week of work
Has been soooo boring. LOLz
This week has been pretty much me shadowing someone, and me doing a lot of ready, and online module trainings to learn the system. and their programs they use regularly.
The people so far are really nice, and welcoming. They are definitely on their shit at this company. everyone is on the same page, and knows what needs to be done. there is no questioning who has what or is doing what, b/c it is already established. They be on it. Fast pace, and I love it
But this reading shit is for the birds. Give me some work to do... lol
But i am loving the atmosphere already. how they move and work. the ppl there have a straight forward attitude, and keep it business as usual
lets see how it in the next month.
apm*
This week has been pretty much me shadowing someone, and me doing a lot of ready, and online module trainings to learn the system. and their programs they use regularly.
The people so far are really nice, and welcoming. They are definitely on their shit at this company. everyone is on the same page, and knows what needs to be done. there is no questioning who has what or is doing what, b/c it is already established. They be on it. Fast pace, and I love it
But this reading shit is for the birds. Give me some work to do... lol
But i am loving the atmosphere already. how they move and work. the ppl there have a straight forward attitude, and keep it business as usual
lets see how it in the next month.
apm*
they call me DRAMA
Where do I begin with my week line up of drama...
When drama unfolds in my life it really unfolds in my life. I mean not one dramatic thing happens... But a slew of them happen...
Me and my best friend fell out over her not being honest with me. Saying she was trying to protect me. I am thinking to myself. We've been through so much for the past 20 yrs maybe... what the hell could u be possibly protecting me from. when you are one of the harshest person i know. so what could u possibly protect me from. in the end we resolved our issue. been friends too long to let something like this break us up... she just better not let it happen again...
Me and another fellow acquaintance fell out. It was bound to happen eventually. we were slowly drifting apart. it only took a mere mistake to break the camels back. it was an honest mistake. but what can u do about it. cannot cry over spilled milk. clean that shit up and keep it fucking moving. life goes on. . they say ppl come in u life for certain reasons. whether they last a life time or just stay for a season... i guess i was just seasonal... i'll be just the like the rest of the females that entered in and out of his life. leaving a mark for the good tho, i hope.
Me and Lem arguing battles... somethings just cannot be avoided. and this incident couldn't be, but will be prevented from next time. i won't get into details. but it has to hit home before the problem can be completely resolved and laid to rest
and this has been the drama of Ayanna's life
tune in next time..
still laughing @ Amber saying my life would be an reality show
you'd get bored if u had to watch me.. lol
When drama unfolds in my life it really unfolds in my life. I mean not one dramatic thing happens... But a slew of them happen...
Me and my best friend fell out over her not being honest with me. Saying she was trying to protect me. I am thinking to myself. We've been through so much for the past 20 yrs maybe... what the hell could u be possibly protecting me from. when you are one of the harshest person i know. so what could u possibly protect me from. in the end we resolved our issue. been friends too long to let something like this break us up... she just better not let it happen again...
Me and another fellow acquaintance fell out. It was bound to happen eventually. we were slowly drifting apart. it only took a mere mistake to break the camels back. it was an honest mistake. but what can u do about it. cannot cry over spilled milk. clean that shit up and keep it fucking moving. life goes on. . they say ppl come in u life for certain reasons. whether they last a life time or just stay for a season... i guess i was just seasonal... i'll be just the like the rest of the females that entered in and out of his life. leaving a mark for the good tho, i hope.
Me and Lem arguing battles... somethings just cannot be avoided. and this incident couldn't be, but will be prevented from next time. i won't get into details. but it has to hit home before the problem can be completely resolved and laid to rest
and this has been the drama of Ayanna's life
tune in next time..
still laughing @ Amber saying my life would be an reality show
you'd get bored if u had to watch me.. lol
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