i'm sending u some text messages(poem)

i live to please all of your needs
fulfilment is my endearment
til my dying breathe
and even til then
i will do the necessary to you
to keep yourself complete
still
that isn't an easy feature
but once such as myself
these aren't features
but the most melodic of beats
that soothes one to sleep

ignorance is bliss

As some may be aware I am home in Dallas with my family for Thanksgiving.
Also while I am here... I've been helping Alli find a wedding dress... Now this has been the worst "help me with my wedding" experience i have gone thru so far, and we're only on the dresses. i think everything else will be easy. Her dress she just wants to be the best.... -back to the reason i wrote this blog-
Having worked in retail before i learned not to judge a book by its cover. no matter how the person looks. never think they have less than you or that you are better than them.
I had one of the worst experiences at Blush Couture Co... My sister being the pain in the ass she is... selected maybe 7 dresses to try on. All nice dresses. She even seen one she really wanted. But due to the fact the dumb bitch helping us couldn't help but put her foot in her ass we will not be purchasing the dress from there.
As we are trying on the dress... the attendant suggested we look at the "cheaper dresses" just not in those words. The first few dresses she showed my sister were the lowest price in the store. after that she made a suggestive statement saying "Some of those dresses on that wall can get expensive, have you seen these dresses".. these dresses again being cheaper priced dresses... i then go and say before she extremely pisses me off... "Ma'am your job is to show us dresses, not direct us to what you feel may be fitting price wise. let's stick to that". of course she gets this fucked up attitude... and says "I just want to make sure we're not wasting each others time by trying on dresses we know you cannot afford" by then i am highly pissed.
so i broke the bitch down... from her over worn shoes. to her not so hot outfit. if u work in a bridal shop this high class, your clothes should match the company you work for. your lifestyle should to. i also pointed out how low paid she was, and how she couldn't even afford a dress in the store she works in. and i did this in the nicest way. i even closed it out by saying. you just missed out on an probably one of the biggest sales. b/c we were going to do the whole bridal party(7 dresses) and wedding gown, with accessories there. totaling close to 20-22k.
bitch don't fuck with me. we'll take our business else where.. she hurried up and apologized when the other attendant told her what we had already picked out, and the transaction had been approved. but b/c she had to be how she was... fuck u...
this is what happens when u think someone can't afford to buy you're dresses.
i laugh at stupid ppl

what's really going on...

Not a whole lot...
Just been dealing with everything that comes my way.
I am looking at a house in Montclair, NJ. I hear they have really nice houses up there. I rather have a house than have an apartment. Right now i have my eyes set on this condo in midtown(nyc). really nice and a lot of room too. But i rather have a house than an apartment.

Finding my way to make common grounds with people. and found out it's a lot more in common than i knew. and idk how to feel about it. so i won't. just let it fly away. cause that's probably best...

my boy went MIA on me. i am sure he's been busy with w/e it is he's doing. but what can u do about it. may attempts to stay in touch. if u still failed. u know u did your part. -shrugs- pretty much how i feel about the whole situation.

Julian did it again :) all i'm going to say about that one. Gotta love that guy


My song of the moment is. Adele "Chasing Pavement"
love her voice and that song

I am currently home for the time being.
Helping my sister with her wedding. and getting her dress.
this has been the worst ever. my sister has went thru about 20 something odd dresses
narrowed it down to 5 and then turned around and put them all back.
It's been great being home. Getting back intouch with my family.
and catching up with them. it's going to suck going back to LA. but hey i got to

that's my life.
what's really going on?

"she's wants that old thing back"
werd... and i'm not alone on that one

..she writes

I'm really into you.
On some, I get butterflies when you step into a room,
I can sense you from next door, still feel you in my pores kinda into you.
I wanna lay with you.
You know like,
having you to caress my dreams awake
making love to my mind with the rhythms your words make
kinda lay with you.
Like listening to your heart beat.
Feel the blood running through your veins
as you hold me and hearing the symphony
your breathing orchestrates that puts me in a peaceful sleep.
Into you like I can't wait to see my phone light up
and see it's your text message
even if it is on some crazy shit
Feeling things for you I'd never thought i would...
over looking the childishness u posses
but accepting the grown man u are
My dreams of you are so vivid
almost too surreal.
but our own reality
to the memory behind the walls…
Of my mental state.
Into you like when I look at you
I see deep into my soul,
because in u lies a part of me
Into you b/c I like getting lost in your world or craziness
Carried away by the tide in your smile
To the shores of your laughter.
Into you like a sermon to a pastor

i'm into u.. because u see me for who i am

and not my worth

2 hrs

i spent on talking with him today. and surprisingly it was a great conversation. no arguing. no going back in the past. just really enjoying the conversation. normally each conversation ends with an argument or an awkward ending. this one didn't
i don't know how to feel about that. I don't want to get too comfortable with it. b/c i know where it can lead. and i am sure neither one of us wants that emotional bind between us. as much as we say we want a clean cut friendship... it's never just that easy. even though it's been almost 3 mos. idk where he stands on this. but i know where i do.
so i'll let time pass and play it safe and be careful not to get caught up...
but the friend in him i do admire. and it's needed. and he has given that to me
and just that.

so can two exes be friends. and just be friends?
guess we'll find out...

shutdown mode.

yeah i'm on my shutdown mode.
holidays are around the corner. and i'm really feeling this loneliness bug.
i really hate when i get like this. and thinking over the past few yrs. holidays have not been the same. 2007 i was stuck in d.r. at the u.s. embassy. Christmas i was working in canada.
2006. i was with family, but it was so bittersweet. mommy had the biggest secret to tell us, to find out her secret was cancer. happy holidays...

tis the season to be happy. unfortunately i am not the happiest. with some of the biggest changes in my life. that are for the better. it's the smaller things in the background that reigns over me. sometimes its best to clean out your closet and get rid of your demons. but even when you try to. they are still there.
"look at the big picture" i keep hearing. yes it looks beautiful. but look at the background of that beautiful picture... see the flaws and down falls.

while i have the "justice system" either with me or against me. this case can not be over any sooner.
while i have one of these biggest company ready for me to begin. i cannot help but to wonder what will this do to my life. change for the best i am sure. the dream job, with the dream homes, in 3 different places. but....(yeah that's another blog)
while i plan my sisters wedding. i remember just last yr and this yr, i was planning mine. but i am happy for her. and i want this to be the best for her. cause i know how much it means to her.
just these moments where i am suppose to be happy. i am finding it hard to be completely happy.

fuck a pity party, b/c it's not what i am looking for or need. this is life. and eventually all this unhappiness i'll get over. but i am human with emotions and feelings. i can't hide behind that million dollar smile all the time.

with the handfull of ppl that stands in my corner...
special shout out to Jabari and Mr. Willington. I'm going to steal that bear. i promise u. lol
Julian and Paul(kiss that baby for me)... You guys have really been here for me this weekend. I appreciate that a lot.
and thanks to the rest. (u know who u are)

i am one of a kind in a full house. so here i stand...
"even when i'm a mess. i still put on my vest with an S on my chest.. I'm a Superwoman"

-apm

Super woman

i am so feeling this song since i first heard it
i had a long talk with my sister on yahoo and she said to me
"jas u r my super hero"
i had to ask her why
"through the toughest time you still seem to get up and take on your day as if nothing has ever happened. i find it almost amazing that you do that. almost super natural"
me:
"i break down and break in"
her:
"even if you do... we'd never know.
you don't show it at all."
me:
"i wish i was a super woman"
her:
"tell me one woman who can go into a company and turn it around in less than 3 mos.
come home battle with family problems.
take on a relationship that seems impossible.
and still manage life and keep it going.
even when your a mess you are your best"
me:
"..."
her:
"just accept it. you are an incredible woman"

i love my sister